Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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