Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
