so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
