It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He felt like a one man threesome
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
