and she was petting her beer can
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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