I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
