my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
