I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
