the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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