ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
