Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.

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  (803): I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer. http://tfl.nu/7z73
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (979)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry

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  (309): dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry http://tfl.nu/gvg3
  Replies (20) Good night (584) Bad night (4473)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

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  (703): just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/c4j4
  Replies (26) Good night (652) Bad night (6803)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.

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  (602): you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer. http://tfl.nu/7uxe
  Replies (16) Good night (6128) Bad night (551)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.

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  (631): I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future. http://tfl.nu/mg9l
  Replies (27) Good night (4527) Bad night (686)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times

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  (978): Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times http://tfl.nu/be2v
  Replies (14) Good night (1651) Bad night (4444)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

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  (815): It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0rl
  Replies (20) Good night (8364) Bad night (1073)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.

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  (712): He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded. http://tfl.nu/0j6f
  Replies (8) Good night (1774) Bad night (3484)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.

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  (814): yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/on87
  Replies (5) Good night (3201) Bad night (694)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.

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  (283): $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper. http://tfl.nu/b2q3
  Replies (6) Good night (457) Bad night (1128)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.

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  (469): After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend. http://tfl.nu/7v59
  Replies (5) Good night (1209) Bad night (425)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.

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  (908): I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country. http://tfl.nu/dr7f
  Replies (2) Good night (844) Bad night (218)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves

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  (906): hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves http://tfl.nu/z605
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (247)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.

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  (404): Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate. http://tfl.nu/nuzb
  Replies (4) Good night (421) Bad night (368)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it

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  (+44): The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it http://tfl.nu/jw2n
  Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (135)

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