I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.