I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.