Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office