I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.