i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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