i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.