508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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