i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My dick has a subreddit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
