Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
