I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
