She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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