I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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