I just cut my nipple shaving
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
