hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children