You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can I get my morals surgically removed?