I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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