Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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