my mouth tastes like poor choices
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
