i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
