I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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