She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize