My cat gives me a boner
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
