Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
