I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
