Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
