So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
