we have officially lost it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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