I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
