pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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