So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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