i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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