I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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