what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
