I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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