Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
