if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
