tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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