I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
