Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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