it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
