Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
