If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
