just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
