My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
