So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
