i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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