I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
