Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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