can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
