Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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