Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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