im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
