My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
