the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
