we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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